On change...

As I pack my bags for the 8th time in two years (not counting all the packing before coming to Pune), I can't help reflecting on all that has changed in this time. I don't know if the change has been in me or things around me, or the way I look at people, or the way people look at me. But as I gear up for some more changes, I do discover one thing about me - I like change.

Sure there is always that bit of apprehension, that phase of darkness preceding every change. A brief period when nothing seems to be working out. You wonder if you went wrong about the whole thing, if you were responsible for upsetting everything when things were going so well. That phase, that sinking feeling makes you suddenly understand and emphasise with all the people who avoid change in life - people who go about systematically planning each and everything, living life meticulously from one day to the next, putting all their energy in keeping things as they are... And then comes the Solution...

That is what makes the change exciting - the one moment, when you are about to give up, when you are about ready to submit and compromise, and then suddenly you find just what you were looking for. And things fall in place. Believe me, it happens. It has happened to me so many times, I am almost addicted to it. So everytime I am starting to get cozy in a comfort zone, something stirs inside me, prodding me to look for the next change. Not necessarily a step "up", but a step ahead, a step away from where I have been for a bit too long.

And then comes the all new settling in phase, the whole new journey of rediscovering yourself all over again, finding yourself in a whole new context, unearthing facets of yourself you had shelved away for a while. That is when you feel all the trouble was really worth it.