Ah well, the movie does teach you a lot. Here's what I've learnt:
1. Don't marry a good looking Muslim guy. He could be a terrorist.
2. Afghans are terrorists. They are also spooky people who stare at you wierdly like a bunch of undercover aliens and kill you if you threaten their secret.
3. If you suspect your neighbours of wierd undercover activities, just snoop around, tiptoe into their basement and you'll uncover a deadly terror plan as well as find a dead body or two.
4. Terrorists are dumb louts who don't watch much TV, and so can't tell a journo from an Islam fundamentalist. So the next time you want to blow their plans, just give an anti-America speech and next thing you know, you'll be in their clan - don't even bother to conceal your identity, they won't notice.
5. There are two types of Muslims - the ones who think Americans deserve to be kicked, and the ones who don't.
6. A bunch of Afghans and a Pakistani use a Delhi girl as a pawn in their war against America. This is India's problem, so we have to make a movie about it.
7. To make a dark, sultry thriller, take a good film, strip it of all colour, get a bunch of expensive actors, tell them not to act and just look tense in every scene, paste some sex scenes (refer Mahesh Bhatt productions for guidance), add a dash of gore, some extra tears. For a dash of authenticity, get Kiron Kher do an Afghani accent. There you have it. Now sit back and enjoy the critical acclaim. And dare anyone to call you candy floss again.
8. Kareena Kapoor can act: she has three very distinct expressions in this one - in the first part she's deeply in love, and can't get her hands off her new husband. Less than an hour later she's scared, and in the end she's sad. Great performance.
9. If you want to make a sexy anti-terrorism movie and still sound secular, just sprinkle some pro-Islam arguments. Nobody will blame you for killing all the Muslims, since after all you've been sympathetic to their sorrows and their motivations. Let them speak, and them kill them in the larger interest of humanity. Its a win-win situation, everyone's happy.
10. 500 hard earned rupees are nothing if compared to the sorry saga of innocent people forced on the path to terror, and noone could understand their pathos better than Karan Johar. So give him all your money.
P.S. Can't wait to write that Jaani Dushman blog. Coming up soon.
