Monday, November 23, 2009

Do you happen to hate Kurbaan too?

I am not insensitive to the big issue that is terrorism. I do feel sorry for hot hunks like Saif who are forced into masterminding terror plots by the big bad global superpowers. Tch tch, the heart goes out to him. What I cannot comprehend is how anyone who's watched New York can afford to watch Kurbaan. Aren't we still suffering from the effects of recession?

Ah well, the movie does teach you a lot. Here's what I've learnt:

1. Don't marry a good looking Muslim guy. He could be a terrorist.

2. Afghans are terrorists. They are also spooky people who stare at you wierdly like a bunch of undercover aliens and kill you if you threaten their secret.

3. If you suspect your neighbours of wierd undercover activities, just snoop around, tiptoe into their basement and you'll uncover a deadly terror plan as well as find a dead body or two.

4. Terrorists are dumb louts who don't watch much TV, and so can't tell a journo from an Islam fundamentalist. So the next time you want to blow their plans, just give an anti-America speech and next thing you know, you'll be in their clan - don't even bother to conceal your identity, they won't notice.

5. There are two types of Muslims - the ones who think Americans deserve to be kicked, and the ones who don't.

6. A bunch of Afghans and a Pakistani use a Delhi girl as a pawn in their war against America. This is India's problem, so we have to make a movie about it.

7. To make a dark, sultry thriller, take a good film, strip it of all colour, get a bunch of expensive actors, tell them not to act and just look tense in every scene, paste some sex scenes (refer Mahesh Bhatt productions for guidance), add a dash of gore, some extra tears. For a dash of authenticity, get Kiron Kher do an Afghani accent. There you have it. Now sit back and enjoy the critical acclaim. And dare anyone to call you candy floss again.

8. Kareena Kapoor can act: she has three very distinct expressions in this one - in the first part she's deeply in love, and can't get her hands off her new husband. Less than an hour later she's scared, and in the end she's sad. Great performance.

9. If you want to make a sexy anti-terrorism movie and still sound secular, just sprinkle some pro-Islam arguments. Nobody will blame you for killing all the Muslims, since after all you've been sympathetic to their sorrows and their motivations. Let them speak, and them kill them in the larger interest of humanity. Its a win-win situation, everyone's happy.

10. 500 hard earned rupees are nothing if compared to the sorry saga of innocent people forced on the path to terror, and noone could understand their pathos better than Karan Johar. So give him all your money.

P.S. Can't wait to write that Jaani Dushman blog. Coming up soon.


  1. If you have a problem with sensitive films about serious issues, refrain from calling yourself a human being.

  2. ...just as you refrain from being anyone at all? Who posts anonymous comments, loser?

  3. Going by ur blog it seems that its not a good movie...... anyways i m not a big fan of movies on terrorism....but recently some movies like aamir,the wednesday and mumbai meri jaan were too good....they were very i thought kurbaan wud also be in same league...but after reading ur blog....i m not too sure of going and watch the movie.........

  4. Mission accomplished! One Anonymous Commentor deterred from watching Kurbaan. Very soon I'm going to turn the entire planet against you, Mr Johar!

  5. well....deepti......i think reviewer should be focussing on the movie and not on the filmmaker or anyone....cos the reviewer should be unbaised........its the product and not the person which is nothing to be against like mr. johar or anyone......hehe

  6. Well we're entering dangerous "death of the author" territory here. I'll confess my review has been biased because of how much everyone praising the film and KJo's supposed change of track with a new subject. I say there's nothing wrong in churning out candy floss as long as you make good candy floss, rather than a dumb thriller. I still think the movie is crap.

  7. I totally agree with ur point that the movie is its ur thinking....but if ur thinking is based on the sole reason that its done by karan jphar than its not i said earlier it shud be the movie and not the person,which is important.........everyone tries his/her level best to make a we all can comment on whether that product is good or bad....but our judgement should not be affected cos of the filmmaker...infact i wud rather say that we should 1st appreciate that the guy tried something different......its another thing whether he succeed or not.....

  8. Again, I don't think the movie was bad BECAUSE it was made my KJo. But the fact that he's being appreciated adds to my irritation. Even if the writer/producer's name was mysteriously concealed, I would hate the movie for the sheer amount of money I wasted. Then again you can't completely rule out that my hatred for Kareena could also affect my review. This is the age of blogging, where biases prevail!

  9. All in all, an awesome piece Miss Deepti, while reading the blog it felt as if you were voicing my opinions on the film. LOVED IT! You rock! Keep writing...

    P.S. Can't wait on your blog on Jaani Dushman. Please enlighten the humanity.. soon!

  10. Thank you. JD coming up by tomorrow