Saturday, October 9, 2010

Bijender Singh

I'm posting another short story I wrote some three years ago. Sweet, innocent times those were.



Bijender Singh was following me. I hadn't noticed.

It was my first time exploring Kolkata on my own. Without much of an agenda, I took the Metro to Park Street and wandered around the periphery of the vast Maidan, following the dead tracks of trams that once wheeled around the place. I did not see where I was going, or notice the man who asked me the time. I went on, following the tracks that got lost under a bridge.

I started walking along the edge of the bridge. I was thinking of how I had got here, in Kolkata, of all places, of all the places I had been in before – Vallabh Vidyanagar, Vadodara, Pune, Bengaluru. Switching from one course to another, one job to another, I had given everyone the excuse that the job I had taken up in Kolkata would give a boost to my career.

It was nothing of the sort. I just had to move out somewhere. And here I was, tracing the dead tracks of an outdated mode of transport in a new city.

Someone called out from behind me.

It was the man who had asked me the time. He was warning me that the bridge was not meant for pedestrians. I smiled and turned back. He told me his name was Bijender Singh, a guide who worked sometimes in Kolkata, and during summers in Dalhousie. I smiled again, and told him about my camping trip in Dalhousie; about how I loved the flower-laden valleys and the view of the town from our distant campsite. I was surprised at the ease with which I could talk to this stranger. My well-wishers would have killed me for trying so hard to get abducted, looted, raped, murdered, or all of above.

Now I’m not much of a museum person. But when someone, who’s just saved you from getting run over by speeding cars on a dangerous no-pedestrian bridge, offers to show you around a few boring places, you kinda say yes. We walked across the Maidan, had soft drinks at a stall. Bijender insisted on paying. He tried showing me around the garden surrounding the Victoria House, and blushed to see it infested with love birds of every feather. His stream of conversation dried up inside the Museum, where I busied myself for a while looking at colonial paintings and reading historical accounts, trying to trace the exact point in history where a glorious old city called Kolkata was degraded to Calcutta by ignorant colonizers.

Surprisingly, the little man didn’t ask for much of a tip, but in true Bollywood style, he wanted a souvenir to remember me by. I gave him my pen. He escorted me right up to the entrance gate of the Metro Rail, regretting perhaps, that he could not come right on to the platform and see me seated in the next train, just to make sure I was really going back home, and not just looking for an excuse to get rid of him. He also took my number. Of course, I gave my number to my new Bihari friend—with one digit altered. You see, I am not that trusting, nor very romantic.

But I do wonder at times, if Bijender Singh tried calling me that evening, and in the days that followed. Did it hurt him to realise that I had really just got rid of him? I shall never find out. Outside of the few hours that we spent talking on a day stolen from my routine, our worlds are completely different. Yes, we all grow up with those cute little stories of how two people from different worlds form these sweet little bonds of friendship that go beyond social perceptions. Whether such things happen in real life, and then how often, is one of those questions you don’t want to bother with. What is beyond doubt, however, is that you always take back something out of these little interactions. And so Bijender the Guide went back home with a pen. And I came back with a little story.


Saturday, September 18, 2010

Its official. Indian women kick ass!

So while the nation was busy lamenting the state of Delhi stadiums and forwarding nasty Sania Mirza jokes, look who just went ahead and bagged a world championship for the fifth time in a row, and that in a totally different sport... but first, a few basics:

1 Indians are aware of the existence of a sport called boxing.
2 Women box too.
3 Manipur is a part of India. See, its there, in that part of the Indian map that politically correct people call North East. If any guys from my college are reading this, Manipuris are NOT Chinese!

So now for the news: yes, it is that 48kg Manipuri gal, M C Mary Kom! And while I know nuts about boxing or any sport for that matter, this piece of news makes my heart swell. Not just because this gives me a vague sense of national pride or anything, but... you see... the girl's a boxer! That's the dream, folks, that's every girl's dream come true. I mean, how many times in life does a girl feel like really punching the shit out of someone... really, really letting off all that emotional angst in pure physical form? So do you know what Mary Kom's victory means for all of us?

Soon enough, we'll have a new face selling Taaza Chai and Amrutanjan Balm on TV, or telling us now Tiger Biscuits can make a champ out of a North Eastern girl. In a couple of years we might even see her pitted against the top notch forgotten celebrities of all times in a dance reality show, or trapped in a jungle and eating roaches to feed hungry campers. We might even have a TV serial of a girl from a small town (which will look suspiciously like the Sanjay Gandhi National Park) aspiring to enter the Olympics to represent the country in the Women's Boxing matches, and how she manages to win plenty gold medals despite all the evil plans of her scheming sister-in-law. Soon, Mary Kom will rub shoulders with Saina Nehwal and the Late Kalpana Chawla. And before you know it, your one-year-old niece will start speaking in coherent sentences to tell you she wants to grow up and become Mary Kom....

... and thus, becoming a woman boxer will become a legitimate inspiration for a whole generation of growing up girls. Yay! If my niece is one of them, let it be known she has my blessings to practice her punches on any guy she wants to. In fact, I'll give her my own list of the most excellent punching male-bags. Anything to make my country proud.

Update:
This post was written over two years ago - Magnificent Mary has since participated and won a bronze medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics, so yay her. Also instead of a TV serial, we're going to have a movie based on her life, with the character of Mary played by... drum-roll... Priyanka Chopra! See, I'm not the only one who loves to see a girl throw a punch.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Enough with the retro look already!

Once upon a time in Mumbai, no self-respecting woman left home without the dramatic sweep of eyeliner in place. Or so our recent movies want us to believe. So to all you retro lovers, here's my special treat:
Don't you just love the 70s look?
Inspired?
Now for a small detail: the picture above is from a 1966 film. The one below is from a 2007 film pretending to be set in the late 70s, given that the opening shot finds our hero on the sets of a film that released in 1980.

Now, I am not underestimating our talented art directors and costume designers, seeing that a period film requires a lot of research before rounding up on the right costumes and hairstyles.


A lot of research indeed, which can be busted with a few minutes of Wikipedia and Google Images. FYI, few of the prominent films of the 70s (prominent, more so because of the way they redefined style for that decade):


Bobby: 1971


Notice: no eyeliner, no colorful headband, just the sizzling mix of wide-eyed teen innocence and understated sexuality.


Yaadon ki Baarat: 1973


Notice the hair simply let lose, no jeweled pins holding up an elaborate bun. Fashion and class personified.


Khel Khel Mein: 1975
Notice the bubbly girl next door look and total lack of the now obsolete filmi glamour.


In fact, another, completely contrasting celluloid image from the same year...
Choti si Baat - 1975:


Well OK, there's the eyeliner again, but this is Vidya Sinha. When eyes are the only thing you really dress up, you have to make the most of it.


But THIS style of draping a sari (dunno what its called): 
died with the 60s. Yes, Mumtaz looked sexy when she did this. But she looked sexy in 1968. In the 70s, Mumtaz made it a point to demurely cover up her ever expanding midriff.


The point being, the dramatic eyeliner, the tightly draped saree, the bejeweled hairdo, the body hugging hip-length kurti with churidar was as fashionable in mid-70s as a loose long kurta with "parellel" salwar aka Madhuri in Dil to Pagal Hai would be in 2010. The period look is fine, but please don't go overboard. And an eye-linered face in every single frame of the movie is definitely not done. Heck, there was a girl with the 'look' completely with thick headband in a scene where this politician is making a speech in a volatile all-Muslim locality! Because you know, that's what lower middle class Muslim women in Mumbai dress up like.


So all of you appreciating Om Shanti Om and Once Upon A Time In Mumbai for the 'authentic' 70s look, have fun watching Action Replay, the upcoming assault on the senses. I'm done with the retro look. In fact, I'm going to hibernate in my room and bury my head under a pillow till the retro winds have blown over. Wake me up after every period film with the fake 70s look is gone from public memory forever.
By the way, this scene was created out of
footage from the 1966 film Amrapali. 70s indeed.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Just felt like it...

Nothing to write about. Nothing to sing for.

Nothing to die for, nor to live.

NOTHING defines me,

so don’t search my soul. You’ll find nothing.

I dream of what I will not be

I fight against what I don’t want.

I am a big negation of what I don’t believe -

forever in the quest of a zero…

And have nothing more to say.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Ladies and gentlemen, presenting..... JAANI DUSHMAN!

Four followers. Thank you God. (sniff) I celebrate this day with a Jaani Dushman Special.

Now you must remember that Jaani Dushman is the film that re-re-re-launched the talented, good looking Armaan Kohli with a specially designed re-re-remake of every hit his dad delivered (total: 2). Armaan Kohli - ring a bell? Hint: Ayesha Jhulka. Go brush up your 90's history.

It was the film that had Manisha Koirala studying at what I can only guess is an adult education institute that confers full-time student status to people past 35. She is kept company by everybody in Bollywood who was out of work at that moment. It was the film that led Sonu Nigam into the darkest abyss of his career, a brief spell when he tried to act. It was the film packed with stunning visual treats like snake-Manisha and her lover snake-Armaan romancing against photoshop locales, stomping on a hill till it crumbled... outstanding original action sequences and special effects that went on to inspire a generation of action thrillers... and gems of cinematic moments like, "Jallad hoke naazuk phool ko chhoota hai!"

As a special treat to my readers, here is one scene out of this genre-defining epic (well yes, I have since been rating movies on the Jaani Dushman scale; Kurbaan was a 7).

How to kill a hero
Become a snake with the power to transform into man, woman, vehicle.
Put tough and macho adult education institute student into coma. The day he gets out of coma, you threaten his friend's retarded brother. They flee on a motorbike. You turn into a motorbike, smash hospital windows and follow. They reach a secluded beach. You catch up. Fight. Stab. Stomp on the dagger in hero's chest.
Little bro escapes on water scooter, coz you know, someone parked a water scooter and forgot to take out the keys. Anyway, you run over water and catch little bro. Hero (still alive, what were you thinking?) catches up on another water scooter. You wrestle in water, and hope that the salt water will finally do the trick, and the physical weakness of being just out of hospital kicks in, and the hero finally gives up.
Distraught, the hero will crawl back to the adult education institute to make a dying speech in the lap of the Principal before finally and terminally dying.
(You continue chasing little bro till big bro The Hulk catches up with you for a breathtaking climax.)


Hah.... I'm going out looking for the DVD right away. Have to watch this classic once again.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

What up, man!

Just because I am bindass does not mean I am not serious about my career.
Just because I am bindass does not mean I don't believe in God.
Or do drugs. Or sleep around.

It just means I am OK with a TV anchor snooping on my girlfriend because I am too much of a gentleman to confront her. And I love watching music channels and letting them tell me how to live. And my life aspiration is to be a cuss-spewing roadie. And I fulfill my responsibility towards social awareness by publishing my inner colours on social networking sites.

Yo man I'm bindass. Go green. Save water. Save tigers. Save SRK. Go vote.

Yo.