Ladies and gentlemen, presenting..... JAANI DUSHMAN!

Four followers. Thank you God. (sniff) I celebrate this day with a Jaani Dushman Special.

Now you must remember that Jaani Dushman is the film that re-re-re-launched the talented, good looking Armaan Kohli with a specially designed re-re-remake of every hit his dad delivered (total: 2). Armaan Kohli - ring a bell? Hint: Ayesha Jhulka. Go brush up your 90's history.

It was the film that had Manisha Koirala studying at what I can only guess is an adult education institute that confers full-time student status to people past 35. She is kept company by everybody in Bollywood who was out of work at that moment. It was the film that led Sonu Nigam into the darkest abyss of his career, a brief spell when he tried to act. It was the film packed with stunning visual treats like snake-Manisha and her lover snake-Armaan romancing against photoshop locales, stomping on a hill till it crumbled... outstanding original action sequences and special effects that went on to inspire a generation of action thrillers... and gems of cinematic moments like, "Jallad hoke naazuk phool ko chhoota hai!"

As a special treat to my readers, here is one scene out of this genre-defining epic (well yes, I have since been rating movies on the Jaani Dushman scale; Kurbaan was a 7).

How to kill a hero

Become a snake with the power to transform into man, woman, vehicle.

Put tough and macho adult education institute student into coma. The day he gets out of coma, you threaten his friend's retarded brother. They flee on a motorbike. You turn into a motorbike, smash hospital windows and follow. They reach a secluded beach. You catch up. Fight. Stab. Stomp on the dagger in hero's chest.

Little bro escapes on water scooter, coz you know, someone parked a water scooter and forgot to take out the keys. Anyway, you run over water and catch little bro. Hero (still alive, what were you thinking?) catches up on another water scooter. You wrestle in water, and hope that the salt water will finally do the trick, and the physical weakness of being just out of hospital kicks in, and the hero finally gives up.

Distraught, the hero will crawl back to the adult education institute to make a dying speech in the lap of the Principal before finally and terminally dying.

(You continue chasing little bro till big bro The Hulk catches up with you for a breathtaking climax.)

Hah.... I'm going out looking for the DVD right away. Have to watch this classic once again.